This is 41: trying not to sound condescending while recounting my acquired wisdom after 40 years of being around

This isn't a middle age crisis list. I will live until I'm 110, which means I still have 14 good years before that happens

Two days ago was my 41st birthday, which means I am now (after my test-drive-year of this decade) a proud member of the 40s club, which is a more weathered version of the 30s club just with a lower tolerance for alcohol and more prone to muscle tears from yawning too hard.

Aside from those two minor inconveniences (I was never much of a drinker anyways) I don’t dislike this place as much as I thought I would. Sure, I can’t leave the house without make up on, and not get asked whether I’m sick. But this sick face is more than just a reflection of the criminal lack of sunscreen during all of the 80s and 90s. It’s the face of a person who laughs and cries in equal measure and carves every memory with the chisel of experience on her skin without shame.

Like any other respectable 40 year-old, my birthday started with my children waking me up at 6:00 a.m., and then promptly giving me the gifts they’d wrapped up and hidden in their respective drawers, smiles like little suns on their soft, beautiful faces.

After I prepared and got them to school/kindergarten, I returned to prepare my own birthday cake and celebratory dinner meal. As you do.

This isn’t going to be a very long post. I’m tired, I’m exhausted, but most importantly: I’m spent.

This is what I’ve learned in the 41 years I’ve blessed this earth with my presence:

1. Food is never the answer to your problems, but it certainly makes some very valid points and should 100 % be taken into consideration before you decide against it.

2. Personal style is just another way to communicate to the world who you are. I, for example, am someone who used to feel so uncomfortable in her own body growing up (a perfectly fine body if I may add) that I’d wear floor-length pure cotton jeans even in the midst of summer with 38 °C (or 100 °F for my Celsius-challenged friends). Does wearing denim make me feel safe even 24 years later? Who cares? Would I sleep in my jeans if could? Yes. Yes, I would.

3. Shoes are the things to put on your feet in order to walk without sustaining injury. Looking tall and sexy is nice and fun, until you find yourself bleeding into the new pair of heels you bought for a friend’s wedding because you looked amazing in them.

4. Remember all those times you criticized your parents and said you’d never be like them? Ha!

   

   Photo by Adi Goldstein on Unsplash

5. Friends are the family you chose. A person you share no genetic material with, and still shows up to listen to you cry over your boss, a frustrating family member, or the fact you couldn’t wait to put the kids to bed, just so you could bask in the silence—is treasure. Same goes for the friends who have entire chapters dedicated to them in the book of your life, even if they live far away and you don’t see each other regularly. You recognize those in the distinct feeling of “homecoming” when you do get to meet. Protect these people at all costs! They will save your sanity and multiply your joy by 1000 % !

6. In the same sense, just because you share a bloodline (or just a piece of paper that legally binds you) with certain people, that doesn’t give them the right to manipulate, gaslight and generally bully you into subordination. You are not the member of a freaking royal family. You don’t have to put up with that shit!

7. Saying no won’t kill you. This has been scientifically proven.

8. Saying yes won’t kill you either. Although there are less peer-reviewd studies to back this up. When in doubt, always say no.

9. Nothing can prepare you for the actual reality of having and raising children. Repeat after me: Nothing.

10. If you want to have a decent chance at being even remotely happy, relinquish control. Discard all expectations or preconceived notions of what you thought your life would/should look like, and let yourself be surprised: adapt and learn.

11. If you have one thing that makes you feel like you were put on this earth to do consider yourself lucky. Don’t ignore the tug that pulls you towards it. Don’t wait until the mortgage is paid off, the children out of the house or Mercury not in retrograde to pursue it. Do it now. Do it scared. Do it tired. Do it.

I’m sure I could come up with more such nuggets of wisdom if I wanted, but it’s almost 2 a.m. and my daughter will wake me up in approx. 4 hours (if not earlier) despite the fact it’s a Saturday.

What kind of knowledge have you, dear readers acquired over your time on our spinning little blue dot? I would love to know what you have to say. As always, thank you for reading!